Do you remember the first time someone told you to “shut up”?
Maybe it was loud. Maybe it was sharp. But most of all—it likely made you feel small.

That’s exactly why today’s word matters.

Our children are growing up in a world that’s louder, faster, and sometimes harsher than what we remember. But here’s the thing: We can teach them better.

In Day 2 of our Say This / Not That series, we’re helping young people (and grownups, too) explore why “shut up” is more harmful than helpful—and how to set boundaries with kindness.

Why this matters:
“Shut up” silences more than sound. It teaches kids to devalue voices, including their own.

This phrase, often thrown out in frustration, cuts deep.

When we teach kids to express themselves without shutting others down, we help them build confidence, communication skills, and empathy.

What to say when your child asks “Why can’t I say ‘shut up’?”

“Because everyone deserves to be heard. When we say ‘shut up,’ it feels like we don’t care about someone’s thoughts or feelings, and that’s not the kind of person we want to be.”

"Actually, this is a great time to talk about that. This is the type of person I try to be and I don't always get it right. __________ What type of person do you want to be?"

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Script to start the conversation with your child:

 

“It’s okay to get frustrated. But instead of saying ‘shut up,’ try saying:

• ‘Can I talk now?’

• ‘That’s not true.’

• ‘Let’s take turns.’
  You can still speak up,but in a way that doesn’t hurt others."

"And if you ever hear me say it, you can lovingly remind me that we are all trying to do better. Deal?"

What to look for:

• Does your child use this phrase when they’re overwhelmed or copying others?

• Do they get quiet or visibly hurt when they hear it?

• Are they unsure how to ask for space without being mean?

Supportive affirmations & an activity:
Say these together:

• “My voice matters.”

• “I speak kindly, even when I’m upset.”

• “I can be firm and kind at the same time.”

Try this:
Have your child draw two scenes:

• One where someone says “shut up.”

• One where they’re asked to “take turns.”

Discuss how each one made them feel.

If this word triggers YOU:
Take a deep breath.
This is your chance to heal with your child.

You can say:

“When I was your age, people said things to me that hurt. I didn’t always know how to respond. That’s why I want to help you learn how to be strong and kind with your words.”

Your story matters. And your voice? Still powerful.

 

We’re in this together.
Day by day, word by word. 💛

 

With heart,
Gahmya
Evolved Kid | Big hearts. Big thoughts. Bright futures.