I began this "Say this/Not That: Inclusive Language" series as a fast way for educators and families to empower the vocabularies and self-esteem of their young ones.

Just one word a day because that’s all it takes to plant a seed of empathy, awareness, and truth.

 And today’s word is one we’ve all heard, maybe even said...
But it never belongs in the direction of a child: (Or anyone for that matter) “Ugly.”

Let’s dive in 👇 

Why this matters:

I spend a lot of time with little kids and now more than ever, I'm noticing even kindergarten students stress over how they look. The girls have skincare routines and talk about getting things "done when they grow up." And if you've seen the series "Adolescence" on Netflix, you're aware of conversations happening among boys. If you haven't seen it, yet, don't worry. I'm working on a summary for you. 

One of the reasons I'm really starting with the basics here is because just saying, "Don't say that" isn't enough. Also because, let's be honest, as adults we can be the biggest hypocrites and say one thing, while modeling another. 

This is why conversations matter and its still important to review things you may have discussed before. Kids brains are still developing. So, what you may have discussed last year will be comprehended differently this year.

So, let's talk about ugly a bit more in a way that will also give you language to use when you are speaking to your young one.

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There’s no such thing as an “ugly” person.
That word doesn’t describe someone, it judges them. It puts shame where it doesn’t belong.

It makes people question their worth, shrink who they are, and feel like they need to change in order to be accepted.

We’re raising kids to know better.

Because beauty is not a competition or up for debate. It’s not decided by someone else’s opinion.

Everyone is beautiful just by being themselves.

How to Talk About It (By Age)

🧒🏽 Ages 3 to 5

“We don’t call people names. Everyone is special.”

👧🏽 Ages 6 to 8

“Ugly isn’t a real thing. It’s a word people sometimes use when they feel upset or don’t understand something that’s different. But everyone deserves to be treated with kindness.”

🧠 Ages 9 and up

“Everyone sees things differently. But just because someone says something unkind doesn't make it true. You are already beautiful by being you.”

 

Side note: I've begun calling my male students beautiful, as well. For young kids, they are often taught that only girls can be beautiful. But, I teach them that beautiful people have beautiful hearts and when we are kind that beauty reflects on the outside. Let me tell you, they eat that up!!! And I get a lot more helpers, too. hahaha

What to Look For:

Here are signs that your child may be affected, directly or indirectly, by comments about their appearance.

What to Look For

• Kids who avoid being in pictures or mirrors
• Comments like “I’m ugly” or “That person is gross”
• Comparing themselves to influencers, peers, or siblings

• Mimicking beauty insults they hear from media or adults 

 

One thing I really want to highlight here is the way the young people hear you talk how you or others look in a negative way. Be careful of the way you criticize how you look in front of them. 

Research to Know:

It has been reported that children are developing body image awareness as early as five years old! View here.

Research has also shown that appearance-based teasing can have long lasting effects on mental health. View here.