Let’s be real: most of us have heard  the word “dumb” before. Some may have used it. 
Maybe it was a joke, a moment of frustration, or something we learned from others when we were young.

But here’s the truth:
Words like “dumb” don’t just sting, they shape how kids see themselves and each other.

In Day 5 of the Say This / Not That series, we’re helping kids understand why calling someone “dumb” is never okay, and why everyone deserves to feel smart, supported, and seen for their unique way of learning.

Why this matters:

Calling someone “dumb” does more than hurt feelings. It sends the message that making mistakes means you're not smart, and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kids learn best when they feel safe to try, fail, and try again.

What to say when your child asks “Why can’t I say ‘dumb’?”

“Because it makes someone feel like they’re not smart and we all learn differently. We want to build each other up, not make anyone feel small.”

Script to start the conversation with your child:

“Sometimes, people say ‘dumb’ when they’re frustrated or don’t understand something. But we don’t have to use hurtful words to express how we feel. Instead, try saying:

• ‘I believe in you.’

• ‘That’s tricky, but we’ll figure it out.’

• ‘Everyone learns at their own pace.’”

• "This is really frustrating me!"

• Is your child using “dumb” to describe themselves or others during tough learning moments?

• Are they afraid to ask questions because they “don’t want to sound like they don't understand something”?

• Do they show signs of embarrassment when struggling?

Ask:

“Has anyone ever made you feel like you weren’t smart?”
“What do you do when something is hard to understand?”
“Do you ever feel like you have to hide your questions?”

 

Affirmations & Activity:

Say these together:

• “Everyone has a superpower.”

• “I’m smart in my own way.”

• “Mistakes mean I’m learning.”

Try this:
Draw or name 3 things your child is great at, none of which involve grades or schoolwork.
Remind them that intelligence isn’t one-size-fits-all. We're all smart in different areas. 

 

If this word triggers YOU:

If you were ever made to feel “dumb,” especially in school, this might bring up big emotions.
You can say:

“When I was a kid, I sometimes felt like I wasn’t smart enough. But now I know we all learn differently. I want you to always feel safe asking questions and making mistakes.”

This is how we heal forward, together. 💛 

 

Resources

 

• Psychology Today – Why Words Can Hurt

• Harvard University – Brain Architecture

• Stanford Study – How Children Learn Words