I created this series as a quick, daily practice to elevate how we speak to our kids, and how they learn to speak to themselves.

Today’s phrase might be one of the most common.

And maybe… one of the most harmful:

“Because I said so.”

Now, I have been speaking on the harm of this phrase for years, so if you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen me discuss it. It's such a harmful shutdown used both at home at in the classroom. 

It’s usually said when we’re tired. Overwhelmed. Trying to keep the day on track.
But when we use this phrase, even unintentionally, we’re doing more than stopping a behavior, we’re stopping curiosity.

And that’s a problem.

It's important for children to learn how to think and process information, curiosity is a big part of that.  Saying "Because I said so," shuts down curiosity, accountability, and limits their ability to process what is happening.

It's also lazy. Just being honest.

Answering

with “Because I said so” discourages critical thinking.

 Children (and this includes teens) need to understand the why behind rules, not just memorize them. According to research from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, curiosity actually boosts memory, motivation, and deeper learning.

Let’s dive in 👇 

Why It Matters

• It discourages critical thinking.
  Children need to understand the why behind rules, not just memorize them. According to research from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, curiosity actually boosts memory, motivation, and deeper learning.

• It teaches compliance over comprehension.
  That may work in the short-term, but it creates adults who don’t feel confident asking questions or challenging injustice.

• It sends the message: “Your questions don’t matter.”
  Even unintentionally, this phrase can damage trust and make a child feel small for seeking clarity.

 Say This Instead

• “I’m glad you’re thinking about this. Let’s talk it through.”

• “Could we revisit this conversation later? I want to make sure I explain myself clearly.”

• “Let’s take a breath and revisit this together.”

• “Even if I can’t explain it all right now, I want you to understand.”

You don’t have to give a long lecture. Even saying, “Let me explain in a minute,” builds respect.

☑️ Children who follow rules out of fear, not understanding

 ☑️ Passive behavior or fear of speaking up in class or at home

 ☑️ Echoing adult phrases without understanding their meaning (They have not learned to trust themselves, yet.)

My Final Thought:

The goal isn’t to raise kids who obey without question.
It’s to raise kids who ask the hard questions, think for themselves, and understand the why behind the world they’re growing up in.

“Because I said so” may feel like control in the moment, or like you're getting some room to breathe,
but connection builds something far more powerful: trust, integrity, and lifelong curiosity.

When we invite our children into the conversation, we gain a thinking partner. 

Let’s raise kids who believe that their voice matters.
Because it does.